So I'm trying to figure out what I'm going to wear for NYE. I got this super cute dress for $20 at walmart (of all places) which I had planned on wearing if we went to vegas. Now we aren't going and I think it may be too dressed up for what we are doing. Dammit. So on my quest to find what to wear tomorrow I realized I'm missing one of my favorite party dresses. Last time I wore it was for mike's birthday in vegas. Now I'm thinking I left it in the hotel. Major sadface :(

So I hope you all had an excellent xmas. Mine was small but lovely. I spent time with my sis and mom and drank box wine all day. I am def my mother's daughter. Mike bought me the android phone I wanted and I haven't been able to put it down since. My momma got me and mikey a wii, again I haven't been able to stop playing with that as well. I want to get the fit so bad. Anyone have it? Is it cool or overrated?

I did really well fall semester. So friggin close to a 4.0 but I got a B in my english class. I'm sort of bummed about it but its my own fault. I didn't dedicate myself as much as I could have. I'm really getting anxious to transfer. I'm so worried about getting into san diego but everyone keeps telling me I should get in no problem. I really want to venture out of riverside. I'm so scared but so ready. I think the hardest part is moving out there. Who knows where I'll be come september.

Much love and happy new years bitchez.
Mo

so this is the first xmas eve in probably five years or so that i am not spending with a boyfriend and his huge latino family. i miss it. but as i was laying here in bed, i started thinking.

so this past year, i've pretty much figured out that i always want the boy who i will never truly have. i mean, i usually get the guy i want (to be honest) but never FULLY. and that is exactly what i want (kinda). i could have a decent looking man, have him take care of me and wait on me hand and foot. honestly. he would abandon all his friends just to see me, he would go out of his way to please me, and do anything i ask. but i DONT WANT THAT. some women do, i don't. being a bossy, bitchy girlfriend is NOT who i want to be. and i WILL fill that role if you let me, men! and that is so unattractive to me. i want to feel like a good person. and i will love you despite it all; and that allows me to go to sleep at night because i am a good person. and i like him to fill the role as bad. hence why i love the men who challenge me. i want to feel like if i don't get over to his place and have sex with him every time he asks, then he will just call another girl and have her come over instead. i like feeling like i am being put second to his work, his family, and his friends. i mean it hurts a little, yes, but in reality i thrive in this situation because it gives me something to strive for. i can never be bored in a relationship if i always have something to work on. let me be better for him so maybe, just maybe every once in a while i can get a glimpse of what it is like to be his world. every once in a while i am his number one above all others, even if just for a fleeting moment. and then you fall off and start all over again.

now that being said; what i don't like is being lied to. once he introduces lying to the relationship i have a new challenge: which is to seek out these lies and catch him in them at every turn. and i'm good. i have been described by one scoundrel of an ex-boyfriend as "never missing a beat." and i put up with a lot, but i have grown and right now i am not sure where my limits are. women will constantly criticize me and my choice of relationships, but in all actuality these men need me. these men need a woman as strong as me to love them because no other can give it as good as me. and when they have leeched the blood out of me, my soul still remains strong. and i will continue on, and repeat the same with the next man. but each time i hope i am teaching them something. i feel like i am, and i also feel like i do a good job at what i do. ask my ex's i am sure i will get good reviews. honestly, deep down, i hope i meet my match. someone who can handle me, and i know that is rare. until then, i keep on trying. every one of the men in my life is a learning experience i will value forever. the memories, the laughter, the lessons learned, all of that is real. and because it is real, it is totally worth the chance i take, the heartbreak, and i wouldn't have it any other way.